


I’m a Loser Baby

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [15]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Funk</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m a Loser Baby

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862), [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884), [I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640900), [I Know That I’ve Got Issues](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640908), [You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641365), [Everyone Must Stand Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641370), [I Should Be Happy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641377), [Every Now and Then I Fall Apart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641387), [I Wish That I Had Jesse’s Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641391), [I Dreamed That God Would Be Forgiving](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641394) and [I Don’t Want To Be Friends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641401)

She has been waddling down the hall due to the urgent demands of her bladder. This is happening so often that Quinn is relatively sure that her bladder has constricted to the size of a pea and at present it appears that her unborn child is attempting to stand on that pea. When she reaches the door she issues a silent prayer of thanks. It has become important for her to be grateful that she has been saved from the humiliation of urinating on herself in public. Her desperation had been extreme but once she passes into the bathroom she forgets all about her bladder related emergency.

Rachel Berry is standing in front of the mirror with a tear stained face and hair that is coated in egg.

“Who did this to you?” Quinn has a sudden desire to cut a bitch. Rachel doesn’t respond and so Quinn is forced to ask her question again.

This time Rachel turns her head towards Quinn and greats her with empty eyes, “Vocal Adrenaline.”

“Jesse let them do this to you?”

“Jesse was the lead egg thrower.”

“Bastard.”

“I deserved it.”

“No you didn’t,” Quinn replies emphatically. She runs her fingers over the stiff mass that is Rachel’s hair, “No-one deserves this.”

“I was stupid enough to think that someone might actually love me. I allowed myself to believe that it might really happen for me. I know better than that. The egg should be on my face and not my hair but it’s still sorta appropriate.”

“Firstly, you’re an idiot.”

“Is that your idea of helping me to feel better?”

“Yes so don’t interrupt. Now where was I – oh yes, you’re an idiot. Jesse is nothing special. He is not worth crying over. There are plenty of assholes like him out there.”

“Is this the bit where you tell me I am better off without him?”

“I told you not to interrupt. I am not going to tell that you are better off without him because I don’t think I can really be objective on that issue but I will tell you that you thinking you are worthy of love is not stupid.”

“So I’m an idiot but I’m not stupid.”

“Exactly.”

“You really don’t understand.”

“There will be other Jesses,” she wants to bit her own tongue for having said that.

“No there won’t. I’m not like you. I’m not beautiful. I’m striking in a way that’s too harsh and guys find unappealing.”

“I thought you said that you were like Barbara.”

“I am,” Rachel says this with a certain amount of pride and Quinn almost breaks into a smile.

“Hasn’t Barbara been married?” 

“Twice. First to Elliott Gould from 1963 until to 1973, they had a son who also played her onscreen son in the film Princes of Tides. Then in 1998 she married James Brolin.”

“The bio wasn’t necessary but you can’t argue with fact that things have happened for Barbara.”

“Yes but she’s far more talented than I am.”

“Wash you mouth out with soap. Don’t you dare say such things and don’t you ever, ever believe them.”

“It’s true. Just look at me.” Rachel has returned to staring at the mirror.

“Well I can see why you might think that if you are standing there with your hair caked in egg.”

“What does it matter what I look like?”

Quinn suppress an eye roll, while she feels for Rachel she could do without the melodrama, “If that’s true that you won’t mind if I help you clean yourself up.”

Evidently Rachel is unable to come up with a reasonable argument and she allows Quinn to lead her over to the basins. Rachel kneels on the floor and Quinn directs her head so that is under the tap. In lieu of shampoo Quinn attacks Rachel’s tresses with the aid of soap and tries to ignore just how much she enjoys getting to massage Rachel’s scalp.

Rachel remains silent throughout the procedure and Quinn has no idea where the other girl’s thoughts might be. When Quinn is finished she squeezes the excess moisture from Rachel’s hair and twists it up. Rachel swivels around so that she is now facing Quinn and looks at her strangely, “You know in all of the times that I pictured myself kneeling before you this was not the activity that I had in mind.”

Quinn is all but dumbstruck. This is not the sort of thing that she expected to come out of Rachel’s mouth. She remains silent as Rachel pushes herself off the floor and advances towards her. Quinn finds herself pressed against the wall as Rachel’s tongue assaults her mouth and hands dust across her breasts. Her own hands travel down Rachel’s back and she hears herself moan as Rachel’s fingers apply more pressure. She finds her voice and it says something that she is not in agreement with, “No Rachel we have to stop.”

Rachel looks at her as though she has the faculties of a homeless person eating out of a garbage bin, “I thought you were enjoying yourself.”

“I am.”

“So then why would we stop?”

“It’s the wrong time.”

“Oh so you don’t want to risk being seen with me,” Rachel sounds crushed.

“It’s not that,” she says and reaches out to stroke Rachel’s cheek. “It’s just that you just broke up with Jesse and I want things to be about us and not him.”

“This is so not about Jesse,” Rachel says and her hands again reach towards Quinn’s chest.

She wonders if she has completely lost her mind but she stops Rachel’s hands before they reach their destination. “I really hope that’s true and if you still want to do this sort of thing when you are no longer pissed at him I would be very happy.”

“We will do it then but it seems a shame not to do it now too.”

A part of Quinn, a very large and vocal part, agrees with Rachel but she does her best to be sensible, “Even so I would rather that we waited.”

“Are you sure this is not just a nice way of attempting to tell me that you don’t want me?”

“I’m sure and I happen to want you very, very much.”

“I hope that’s true.”

“It is and you just need to trust me. You are better than him. You are better than this. I don’t want to see you moping about some fool who doesn’t even realise how special you are.”

“I’m not that special.”

“Yes you are.”

“I doubt that anyone else would agree with you.”

“I can handle the fact that they are all wrong.”

Rachel smiles, “What makes you so sure that you’re right?”

“If you weren’t special there is no way that I could love you as much as I do.”

“You think you love me?”

“No,” Rachel looks stricken and Quinn grabs her hand before she continues, “I know I love you.”

Rachel’s transformation from devastated to buoyant is close to miraculous. “Then why can’t we, you know?”

“We can and we will if you want to but just not today.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“Maybe not then either,” Quinn smiles and squeezes Rachel’s hand.

“So by the end of the week at the latest then?”

“We’ll see. I just want you to take some time to deal with what’s happened.”

“I don’t know if I need time if I have you.”

“I will not be your crutch or your rebound or your fallback. I want us to do this properly.”

“But that might take a long time,” Rachel whines.

“Then we’ll wait. Besides I have to pass a watermelon soon so I doubt I’ll be feeling sexy for a while.”

“You’ll still be gorgeous.”

“I hope so,” and the sad thing is that she really does. 

“You will be beautiful.” 

It’s weird to hear Rachel comment on her attractiveness. She has been trying so hard not to have her self-esteem anchored to what other people think, not to need external validation, so in a way it feels like she is betraying herself when Rachel’s words make her happy. At least she knows that Rachel is brutally honest and that when she says these things they are not just words. Still, it frightens her just how much she believes Rachel and that Rachel truly makes her feel beautiful and so she changes the topic, “There’s something else that I have to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to be staying at Mercedes place and before you say anything it’s not because I like her. She offered and I think it’s better than staying at Puck’s. His mother is trying to be nice to me but I can tell that secretly she wants to smother me with a pillow while I’m sleeping.”

“I’m glad you’ve got somewhere else to stay.”

“You are?” this is not at all the reaction that she had been expecting.

“Yeah. I’ve thought about offering our spare room but somehow it just didn’t feel right.”

“I guess it would be weird,” she agrees but that doesn’t stop her from feeling giddy over the thought of living with Rachel.

“We should probably start off a little slower than moving straight to cohabitation.”

“That seems reasonable and before you start making any grand gestures there is some more important stuff that you need to attend to. You have to promise that you’ll look after yourself and be good to yourself and not let this shit with Jesse get to you.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know that but even if you are breaking on the inside you should never give them the satisfaction of seeing it. You need to pull yourself together and blow everyone away at regionals so he realises what a mistake he’s made.” Quinn just hopes that such a realisation doesn’t result in things rekindling between Rachel and Jesse.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good. I’m gonna go now but you have to promise me that you won’t stand here staring at the mirror anymore.”

“Ok and I really will try to pull myself together.”

“I’ll be thinking of you.” Quinn leaves the room and smacks herself on the forehead because she has done nothing about her bladder and it is about to explode. She could return to the room but she feels that would spoil her exit so she sets off to the next bathroom in an ungainly shuffle. 

She wasn’t lying when she told Rachel she’d be thinking about her. She spends a lot of time wondering how Rachel is coping with the Jesse situation, how Rachel really feels about the fact that Quinn will be living with Mercedes and whether Rachel has heeded any of her advice. When she arrives for the little screw you showcase that they have prepared for Vocal Adrenaline she thinks that maybe she has been worried about all the wrong things. If anything, Rachel has taken her advice to the extreme and is standing there full of self-confidence and showing miles of leg. Quinn worries that she may have creased a monster. She is also more than a little distracted but she does her best to focus on the task at hand.

She manages to pull herself together and notes that their performance seems to have the desired effect on Vocal Adrenaline even if it does lack the soul of her solo. She feels a little elated as a result of their success and can’t stop herself from seeking out Rachel so that they can share the moment. She finds her standing in the wings, attempting to subtlety peer out at the audience. Naturally, given that this is Rachel Berry, there is certain amount of failure in her effort to be subtle and Quinn has to pull Rachel back before she manages to topple over and end up sprawled across the stage.

Apparently Quinn’s level of elation has nothing on Rachel’s. You could power light bulbs with the energy emanating from the brunette. “Do you think he noticed me?” Rachel asks.

Quinn feels her stomach drop in response to those words; it’s an impressive feat when she thinks about it because there is not much room for her stomach to move nowadays. It sounds completely ridiculous but her heart actually hurts. “I know he did.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I really can.”

“Have you developed some sort of special powers?”

“I’ve always had special powers,” she replies in a tone that is more suggestive than she would like considering she is currently being spurned, “but I don’t need telepathy to know that he noticed you.”

“You hardly know him; you couldn’t possibly know what he’s thinking.”

“Yes I do.”

“I told you, you can’t,” Rachel’s voice is petulant.

Quinn sighs, “I know he noticed you because _I_ noticed you.”

“Oh,” Rachel’s eyebrows fly up her head.

“Yeah.”

“So was it, was I, good then?” In Quinn’s world such a statement would normally be used to fish for compliments and while Rachel will do that when it comes to stage presence this question speaks to the heart of Rachel’s insecurity.

“You are displaying some very nice assets rather well.”

“I’m am?” Rachel is practically beaming. 

“Yes you are.” Quinn deliberately rakes her eyes over Rachel’s body and to her satisfaction Rachel’s checks flush and her eyes darken. She leans forward and whispers, “and if there weren’t so many people around I would be examining those assets with more than just my eyes.

Rachel steps towards her, they are violating all rules of personal space, “I think I really, really want you to do that.”

Although the statement seemed sincere Quinn can’t help but note that it ended on an upward inflection, “Why do I get the sense that there is a ‘but’ coming?”

“I meant what I said but I don’t think we should do it right now.”

“Obviously,” Quinn replies as she makes a slight head tilt in the direction of their fellow glee club members.

“I didn’t mean now, now.”

“So what now did you mean?”

“When we do something I want us to be alone and for it to be special and you’re right, if we did anything now it would always be related to Jesse’s betrayal. I don’t want that.”

Quinn is acutely aware that Rachel is using her own logic against her. She has no one but herself to blame for the fact that her hands will not get to be explore the yards of soft flesh revealed by Rachel’s short shorts. She wants to shoot herself for her own stupidity. “Ok but when does the statute of limitations end on having to factor in that Jesse is a jerk?”

“I’m not sure. This is not exactly an area that I’ve had a wealth of experience in.”

“Can I put in a vote for it to be sooner rather than later?”

Rachel smiles, “I thought you were the one advocating that we take things slowly.”

“Clearly I had no idea what I was saying when I told you that.”

“Well I think it makes sense and I am going to make sure that we do this right,” and with that Rachel disappears into the throng of excited teenagers relishing in their victory.

She can’t quite face celebrating anymore and heads out towards the car park. She has almost crossed it when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns around to face her assailant and before she realises what is happening Rachel’s lips are fused against her own. Quinn happily surrenders to the kiss and places her hands on Rachel’s hips attempting to pull them closer together. She is frustrated, and somewhat embarrassed, by the size of her stomach and the fact that it means that she can’t really press her body against Rachel. Without warning Rachel pulls away from the kiss, maybe Rachel is also unimpressed with the ball shaped barrier between them. She is reluctant to meet Rachel’s eyes but a finger hooks under her chin and lifts her head up. “I didn’t say everything that I should have earlier.”

“What did you want to say?” Quinn braces herself for rejection.

“I just wanted to tell you that I think I love you too.” It’s not exactly fireworks or the sort of thing Taylor Swift writes a song about, in fact it is kind of awkward, especially the part where Rachel literally runs away after uttering the words. In all honesty Quinn expected a whole lot more from moment when the person she loved finally told her that they loved her back. Everything about the scenario is a complete disappointment except for the bit where Quinn feels happy and whole for the first time in a very long time. She should feel cheated but it turns out that standing alone while she watches the retreating form of Rachel Berry is the best thing that has ever happened to Quinn Fabray.


End file.
